January 23, 2022

Hi Darling,

Watching the Bills right now as I type. 

Friday night I was up until 2am watching the entire latest season of Cobra Kai on Netflix. So I was super tired yesterday. Took Bono for his annual shots at 9am, then dentist at 10am and in the afternoon my annual car inspection.

Dentist recommended that my mucocele be surgically removed because of how large it is. So I have an appointment with an oral surgeon on Wednesday.

My radiator needed to be replaced. That was $600+ that I wasn’t expecting. Oh well.

I keep arguing with my dad because he keeps changing his mind about what “we” are looking for in a house. All of a sudden, a one bath is perfectly okay?? No it’s not! And now 1300 sq ft isn’t enough?? And low property taxes are a problem??

I understand the pros and cons of all of these. And yes, we’re still learning as we go. But I know damn well what I’m looking for and I get very frustrated when he keeps changing the specs. Why is it his call? Why do his preferences on snow and “too much” land trump mine? Anyway, we had a few arguments yesterday. That drained me on top of being exhausted from not getting enough sleep Friday night. That’s why I didn’t write.

I saw a house pop up this morning that looked too good to be true: a 3/2 in Putnam County 2 miles from a lake in my price point and low taxes. It was too short notice to schedule a tour  so we decided to drive up. Total crap shoot. There’s like no land. There’s a reason there were no photos posted of the property and the lot square footage was left off the listing. And I can’t believe they think they could get $300K for that hole in the wall.

I’m also frustrated because I feel like there are a lot of houses that in a normal market would very well fall in my price point. But because of how the market is, they are out of range and a lot of houses that are in my price point are definitely NOT worth that much. Dad suggested that maybe we really wait until October, after the schools open. That, combined with the several rate hikes that would have happened by then might tame the market a bit. I’m not opposed to it.

What I’m about to say may upset you. I apologize in advance. I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m just really trying to protect myself as a woman. Because your gender historically has screwed my gender over. There’s at least a thousand years of evidence to support that.

I think I’m kind of feeling relieved that you won’t be showing up this year. In fact, I think I might actually feel disappointed if you did. And it’s completely because of the housing goal. I did some quick research and, I will have more protection against losing my home to anyone if I am able to purchase it as a single woman. If I buy it before we legally get married, you can’t touch it. But if I buy it after we’re legally married, even if my name is the only one on the property, and I’m pretty sure even if you sign any papers disowning your claims to it, you could still find a loop hole to take it away from me if you were to transform into a colossal asshole.

Again, it’s not personal. No, I don’t think you’re actually capable of doing that. Promise. You care a lot to a fault. I’ve observed it in your behavior towards me and it also explains why you tolerated your ex for as long as you did. Most partners of narcissistic people tend to be extremely caring, self-sacrificing people. Google it.

I want to re-emphasize here that it’s not personal. It really has more to do with me as a woman protecting myself. I need there to be a 0% chance that anyone else could take my home away from me. Also, you know, 2017. I did lose my home and I did blame you for it. I may have forgiven you but I haven’t forgotten what happened. In my head, rationally or irrationally, I still associate you with becoming homeless.

I know you hate that. And I know that probably hurts. I’m sorry. I’m open to hearing any other suggestions you might have.

But ultimately, I’m working towards owning a home with only one name on the property and that name being mine. And it needs to happen before you get here, which I’m estimating is Jan-Mar 2023. If I don’t close on a house before then, I’m not going to lie, I may feel disappointed to see you in 2023. And I would absolutely consider delaying legally marrying you until I can close on a house first.

Sorry. But again, if you’ve got a better idea, I’m all ears!

Back to the office tomorrow for the first time since before Christmas. They’re providing breakfast for us. I hope it’s decent. They sometimes buy us lunch but it ends up just being pizza. I already prepped my meals for the next couple of days. I get so hungry at work, usually eating 700 more calories than if I’m home. But I’m hoping if I keep enough healthy snacks and beverages with me, I should be okay. I also got these fiber supplements to help me feel full.

Yeah, I need to lose about 10 pounds before you get here. Although, to be fair, I don’t look terrible. I just don’t fit in my size 4 jeans anymore so I feel not like myself. But fitting into my size 4 jeans also ends up giving me a white girl’s ass which isn’t necessarily a good thing. My ass looks acceptable right now. I dunno, B. First-world problems.

Going back to the office means having to interact with Berra again. It’s been a nice vacation. He reached out to me on Friday. He started off with a compliment to my team, which I thanked him for, but then responded with a criticism that I didn’t respond to. This is all about the clarity of a screen shot within the body of the email of a few reports. It’s not like it’s severely blurry. He likes to zoom in on them while he’s viewing from his phone and when he does, the numbers are hard to see. He’s the only person who does this and has a problem. But because he’s a VP, he gets to make a stink about it. My boss also knows it’s ridiculous. But this is what I have to deal with. The king wants crisp screenshots because he can’t be bothered to download the excel file and open it on the giant screens attached to his desktop. Anyway…

Saw that your co-op is now in contract. Mazel tov! Very curious on how much you actually sold it for. It will be very telling on how much of a dick you were during the negotiation process.

Apologies, but last week I just finished my own negotiations with a seller who refused to budge on the asking price for a property that ended up being a lemon. I’m just sayin’!

I know this post sounds like there’s a lot of animosity here. It’s just anxiety. I see that you wouldn’t even give your ex her own property. I mean, granted, she doesn’t fucking deserve it, it’s your money. No way she would be able to afford a shoe box anywhere on the planet with her sporadic $30 pay checks as a yoga instructor.

But, I also know what you do for a living. People pay you millions of dollars to maximize their investments. Why wouldn’t you insist on that for your own? Your co-op, your house in CT, anything else. Why on earth should I think that you would ever support me the way my dad has to help me get my own house, solely under my name, with your money?

I know I’m different. I know I’m not your ex.

But still, I know you’re thinking we could have a house together, as a joint property. I’m not opposed to that. But that can’t be the only property that I have with my name on it. I still will always want my own home, with just my name on it, that no other human on the planet could claim rights to.

Go solve for it, B.

Love you!

January 20, 2022

Hi Darling,

Sorry it’s been a few days. No good reason. Just lazy. Might put this in bullet points. Or very short paragraphs.

Still searching for houses but the inventory is low for my specs. Did I mention I’m now looking for a 3/2 no older than 1940 on at least 1/2 an acre for around $300K? I think I’m looking at Putnam country in general, Hopewell Junction, Wappingers Falls, Poughkeepsie and Hyde Park for Dutchess county. I saw a house today that was very nice in Poughkeepise. You could tell it was well maintained. Been on the market about 6 days and they’ve already accepted an offer.

Dad still thinks he can get a deal. I’m prepared to make a very strong offer immediately if the house seems worth it. Dad’s like, starting offer: 10% below asking price. He’s not wrong…but if there’s a house I love, I’m not playing that game.

Last weekend when we rented that airbnb, we drove out to Millbrook. They have a Harney & Sons tea shop. So cute! Could easily have splurged there but I’m saving for a house so that’s not happening. Indeed, I’ve held off on getting my hair done. I usually go once every 4 months and was due this month. But I can’t bring myself to spend $400 on my hair right now. I’d rather have my color grow out poorly and put that money towards a new home. 

Remember I thought I had a canker sore in my mouth? I did more research online. I don’t think it’s a canker sore, I think it’s a mucocele or a ranula. Look it up. It’s gross. I’m due for a dental appointment anyway. It may have to be removed. But my memership cards haven’t been mailed yet. I finally figured out how to access my dental membership card on the app but the dentist’s office is closed right now.

What else? We’re officially heading back to the office on Monday. My one-month vacation from Berra is coming to an end. In other work news, someone at work tried to take advantage of me being new. Via email. With my boss CCed. I was able to reply basically calling him out on his bullshit. And you know what he did? He backed the fuck down. I was really pissed off about it last night but then realized I had power as the manager of their analytics team. I manage my team’s workload and how we prioritize projects. The next time that guy comes to me with a project request it’s going straight to the bottom of the pile. And that goes for everyone who even tries that shit with me again.

I think I may be able to save $4K for each month that goes by towards the house. I’ll be solid by the end of April which means we can seriously start seeing houses again mid-March and that’s the plan. The fed hike is expected around then so it will be interesting to see what happens. Dad thinks the prices will cool down but from what I’m reading it will more likely be a gradual decline. This whole house hunting thing triggers his gambling and bargaining habits. Most of the jewelry my mom and I have are the results of him both forming relationships with sales reps a the jewelry stores and getting huge discounts from them. I saw him once negotiate down a pair of pink sapphire earrings from $900 to $300.

A part of me might actually be open to a house that needs the kitchen and baths renovated. Because on the rare chances that we see kitchens and baths redone, I don’t like them. They’re not my style. I know exactly what I want my kitchen and baths to look like. But if those rooms have already been recently redone, I won’t be able to bring myself to redo them again so soon.

The dogs are good. Ruthie hasn’t bitten anyone in a long time. Well, no humans. She has bitten Bono in the face but it’s been a few weeks. I gave her a bath this afternoon because she was definitely smelling like cheese. And she slept with me last night which she like, never does. It’s been months since the last time she did that. She’s more my mom’s dog now. In fact, Mom told me, “Ruthie is mine, Bono is yours.” I’m good with that except she still doesn’t do jack shit for them (walking, feeding, cleaning, vet bills, etc.)

Anyway, I’ll end it here. I definitely gained weight since October. I blame being sick for a month plus the holidays. So many cookies and cheesecake!

Love you!