November 22, 2022

Hi Darling,

8yo is here and we’ve been busy spending quality time together. I was disappointed when I learned he wasn’t allowed to leave Queens but we’re making it work. A local coffee shop and Chuck-E Cheese yesterday, followed by a trip through a Chinese grocery store with an impressive fish market, lots of live animals including turtles and frogs. Today was ping pong lessons a d Korean BBQ.

Lots of FIFA, too. The souvenir mug my dad got me this summer on his trip home from India is finally relevant.

He’s also teaching me about Fantasy Football. He’s insisting on staying up late to have fun. He feels like his time is running out this week. He asks interesting questions like, “Were the 90s fun?” It’s a great question. Were they?

I gave the dogs a bath today and he shadowed me. Tomorrow he’s going to help me make muffins and prep a salad for Thanksgiving.

Love you. Tired. Work still sucks. Same stupidity, different people. I’m over it.

November 19, 2022

Hi Darling,

I had a dream about you last night. I actually saw you for the first time in years. A representation of you that actually looked like you, except maybe more heavyweight. Not saying you looked fat. You have generally had a thin or lean frame, like a featherweight boxer. But in my dream you were built more like a heavyweight boxer. As far as I could tell. You were wearing a light gray suit.

For some reason, I was back at “The Firm” working as a temp admin but in IBD and you happened to be working in IBD, too. You didn’t speak to me directly but you spoke to the woman whom I was going to be covering for and you told her that you knew I’d do a good job.  The dream didn’t last much linger than that. I disliked it because I was back at that horrible company and it was clear things between us hadn’t been cleared up yet. Not a nightmare but I didn’t want to be in that dream anymore.

The air is arctic. I’ve lowered my temp to 65 to see if it might be doable. For me alone in the house it could work. If I spend my day on the couch under a blanket with two dogs it’s perfectly fine. But I’ve noticed the right side of my throat isn’t feeling great, almost like I might be coming down with something. Not sure if it’s just from tolerating the colder temps or if it’s really a cold. 

I bought myself thermal underwear that I’m going to try out tomorrow, a bunch of long socks and leg warmers and scarves. I will enjoy winter in the mid-Hudson valley. 

Ruthie got her nails trimmed today and managed not to bite anyone. Not that she didn’t try. But she’s done better than before. I also brought treats. 

8yo will be here for a week starting Monday and I have all the afternoons off next week. Someone made a fraud charge on my dad’s credit card for a purchase on my company website so he had to cancel it. Because I need more reasons not to want to work here.

Love you, miss you. 41 more days left?

May 4, 2021

Let’s get the Karen conversation out of the way.

I mentioned in my first post that my confidence was boosted from the mistakes she made on social media. Since then, she’s only continued to muddle around. She forgot that I still track IP addresses so I know she viewed this website in mid-April and spent a considerable amount of time here. I know it was her because she then reacted by immediately switching her Instagram account from public to private for the first time in years. These facts alone prove beyond a doubt that despite years of silence, I am still relevant in your life. 

She eventually made the account public again and all of her subsequent online behavior has just been funny. You could see that she wracked her brain trying to discover how I know what I know, removed content that she thought might have exposed her dishonesty, and has increased her posting frequency with content that lacks any clear strategy, either for her own personal brand growth or to perpetuate her deception. It’s apparent after five years of observations that her bag of tricks is limited and as such, Karen is impotent. She has no bearing on us anymore.

What I have learned from having two psychiatrists in my immediate family is that everything you do and say can and will be analyzed. Karen has years of content on display that gives away so much about her and it’s sad. The woman is neither intelligent nor emotionally put together.

First and foremost, she’s revealed how insecure she is by perpetuating the “alternate truth” for several years now that she’s still married. For all her expressed disgust towards Donald Trump, she’s using the same page from his playbook: say a lie loud enough and long enough so people will believe it. “The election was rigged!” “I’m married, I swear!” People with at least half a brain aren’t buying it and she just continues to look pathetic and simpleminded the more she does it.

Further evidence that she’s prone to dishonesty is that she markets herself as a yoga instructor who has been practicing for ten years. This implies that she’s skilled or has some sort of expertise in it. Unfortunately, that so-called experience is undermined when the most advanced yoga course she’s been able to teach so far is a guided sleep session.

Understandably, a lot of people are going to view divorce as a failure. After all, her parents are divorced, her mother is twice divorced and it’s highly likely there’s been a lot of drama. There are court records online to support that, from her mother attempting to barter her engagement ring from her then second fiancé to pay off debts for her business that went bankrupt to then suing her now second ex-husband for a quarter of a million dollars. It’s no secret that kids with divorced parents are more likely to end up divorced themselves and now she and at least one of her sisters have both proven that to be true. She’s insecure.

It’s also possible that she refuses to admit that she’s divorced to hurt you because she’s generally an angry and unhappy woman. She probably resents you for making her the “failure” above that she dreads. The self-deprecating humor that she uses often enough suggests that she doesn’t like herself very much and people tend to treat others the way they treat themselves. Hurting you is second nature for her.

For whatever reasons, she suffers from anxiety and that could be hereditary. Anxiety almost never presents itself alone and almost always presents itself with depression. She then self-medicates with any and all of the following methods:

  • excessive exercising
  • excessive alcohol consumption
  • aromatherapy
  • cold showers (it’s a holistic treatment method for depression)
  • CBD and possibly marijuana which she may soon be legally able to get her hands on. She shared her engagement with online courses for the inclusion of marijuana in her practice as a yoga instructor. God help you and your family when she starts bringing that stuff into your home.

She’s also shown herself to be prone to manic-depressive behavior. That’s evident in the marathon postings she’s been known to do for consecutive weeks followed by prolonged periods of inactivity. Actually, that’s probably what’s going on now. My reactivation of this blog has triggered a manic episode that’s manifesting itself as a burst of social media content.

I kind of feel bad for her. It takes a lot of strength to admit your faults, face your fears and inner demons and work your way out of it. It’s easier for her to fight with the people around her than to face herself. She should consider seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist but if she were the type of person able to do that then I doubt you would have gotten divorced in the first place.

Actually, I have no idea what your marriage was like. It’s also clear from her content that she doesn’t really enjoy being feminine. Indeed, she takes pride in her “manrepeller” wardrobe. I don’t know if it’s related to her lack of self-confidence and insecurities or other reasons that I’m uncomfortable giving voice to yet for lack of evidence. However, once the latter supposition came to mind, it was game over.

I don’t think she ever loved you or was even capable of loving you the way you needed to be. And I don’t think it’s personal to you, either. I think she’s got a whole mess of internal things that she’s scared to face. For all of the reasons detailed in this post, marriage was never going to work for her, be it with you or anyone else. Her own behavior plus her mother’s history predict that.

A major battle has been won, B-. Now let’s get through the war together.