October 25, 2021

Hey, B!

I was sick all weekend. Went to the doctor today for my annual physical. They did a respiratory infection check. I tested positive for both the cold and the flu. But I can feel it’s on its way out so I’m just going to stick to liquids and rest.

My blood pressure was a little high, though. It’s quite possible that all the cold medication this weekend contributed to it. But it was also elevated back in August. I need to look into ways to bring it down. Good thing I live with a doctor who himself has high blood pressure. That means we have a monitor in the house and I can check myself whenever I want.

Had lunch with my former supervisor after the appointment. We happened to be by Smith & Wollensky so that’s what we did! I think I ordered their short rib sandwich. It was good seeing him after all this time. I think it had been 10 months.

I wanted to go for a walk in the park today because the weather was nice and the sun was out. But I decided not to since I’m still sick. It probably would have been fine. But now there’s a nor’easter on the way and the next three days are going to suck.

Not much else to share. Bono ate something in the backyard yesterday and then had a tummy ache. He wouldn’t really eat dinner or breakfast. He’s feeling better now but I think he’s ready for bed time and he’s making circles around my space while pausing periodically to give me the eye. That means he wants to go to bed and he wants me to go to bed now. Seriously, now he’s just standing behind me. Waiting.🙄

Love you!

September 10, 2021

Hi, B! 😘

All I’m saying is, I noticed the additional call volume yesterday morning. By the way, I was in the middle of a phone interview.

So many things, where do I start? There’s work, there’s Karen and there’s the girls.

Work. I’m currently on the clock and I don’t fucking care. Had a frustrating call this morning and no surprise, the CEO is my trigger. Poor decisions, typical attempts to point fingers at other people. After 2.5 years, he still wants to claim that he doesn’t trust the reporting that my colleague and I produce. THEN WHY THE FUCK DO WE STILL WORK HERE? Deep exhale.

I had a catch up with my colleague. She and I started on the same day, I’m very close to her even though we’re 10 years apart. She finally told me today that she’s fed up enough to want to leave. That’s a hard choice for her because she’s on a H1-B visa from China. But she said that she’ll start searching for a new job in January and if she doesn’t find anything by our 3-year work anniversary in March, then she’ll quit. Even if she has to go back to China it’s not the end of the world. She’s already putting in a visa application for Canada, anyway. 

I had already decided that would be my ultimate last day, too. Hopefully, something will happen in Q4. If not, I might quit either at the beginning of January just before their Manhattan location launches. Yes, as a kick in the face. Worst case is March. This makes me feel tremendously better.

I had another interview yesterday and I’ve got three on Monday. By the time March comes around, I would have put in 7 months towards the job search. So even if I don’t find something by then, I’ll have zero debt plus even more savings to tide me over as I continue with the job search. I’ll be more than comfortable with leaving.

Moving on, Karen started posting again and if what she says is true, then she’s moved to CT with the girls? So my main concern is the girls and I’ve got so many questions!

They left their school? They were there for a while, right? So they’re both starting a new school in a new state? Do they have any friends? I’m getting flash backs to when I started high school. I was the only person from my elementary school to go to Bronx Science and half of us had been together since kindergarten. I was depressed my first semester of high school. I hadn’t made any friends yet. Every Wednesday at dinner I’d tell my mom that half the week was almost over. My days were so long schlepping to and from the Bronx every day.

So I’m concerned, I hope they’re having a much better transition than I did and I really hope you’re helping them with it. That’s why I’m sharing my experience because it effing sucked and I wish I had more support back then. Please be observant of them right now.

Aside from that, I’m thrilled that they’re not at that super elite school anymore. I think long term it will be better for them. Plus, CT schools are generally great. They’ll be fine…except I now have a sneaky suspicion that they aren’t actually in public school now…anyway…

And you’re by yourself in NYC? Because there’s no way you’re doing more than a 30-minute commute to work. Does it feel weird? I have no idea what’s actually going on but these are all my thoughts and assumptions.

Then, I wanted to share this:

The internet told me that one of your kids might be interested in adding plant life to her bedroom. Because Karen. Because Pinterest.

I mentioned a while back that collecting plants became my covid hobby. I found an inspiration on Pinterest that led me to put together this ceiling and lighting installation in my bedroom. It’s super romantic. I can’t tell you how often I wish you were there with me.

Not that it needs to be romantic for the girls! I’m just saying, encourage her to add the greenery. She should start with plants that are easy to care for. Pay attention to lighting. More light is better but be careful of south-facing windows, only a small selection of plants really need it and even then, they can burn. I learned the hard way.

Over-watering is the rookie mistake. Once a week or every 2 weeks in a typical bedroom lighting environment should be fine. Also, soil is the enemy. TRUST. Look for coco coir and clay pebbles. Also, I’ve got fancy pots that are super pretty for décor but they often retain too much water and drown the roots. Look for the plastic orchid pots with lots of slits. If she can provide the above for the plants, they will be more forgiving of mistakes.

The picture above is really only about 1/4 of my plant collection. I’ve got exotics that are worth close to $2K. Thank God, they’re still alive.

Karen looks like she’s back to her usual antics. She’s still using the husband language and there’s no clear strategy to her posts yet. Although, to her credit, she did post a survey asking her audience why they follow her and what they want/expect from this space?

Oh, can I answer? Pretty please?

I’m coming to be entertained, perhaps in the way people like to be entertained watching horror films. Her ignorance makes me giggle, and her blatant insecurities make me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed for her. It’s like not being able to look away from the site of a train wreck. That’s why I come.

What I want is for her to finally behave in a manner that would allow me to respect her. You know, admit her lies, own her mistakes, actually embrace all that kumbaya yoga nonsense that she supposedly subscribes to.

What I expect is for none of that self-growth to happen, for her to continue puttering around as she always has based on whatever cycle of her neuroses that she’s currently in.

To help a girl out, here’s what she should be focusing her content on, if she were genuinely interested in growing her brand:

It’s not about you. Karen has spent much of her online presence focused on herself. The diets she’s done, all her yoga hours, her love for food. Karen, Karen, Karen. What she fails to do is connect her experiences with what her audience’s needs, wants and pain points are or what they want to accomplish, solve or benefit from.

To be fair, there are successful blogs that provide their audience with entertainment solely on the antics in their lives. But unless she can deep-dive into her personal life, specifically her kids and supposed husband – with pictures – she’s going to continue getting no where fast.

Also, she needs to develop her voice. That first depends on her figuring out what her brand is and what that brand voice is going to be. From the years of content she’s posted, there’s nothing unique about her style to help her stand out from the crowd.

At best, it seems like she’s trying to get into the cooking and fitness niche(s). There’s no white space here, the competition is high, so what is going to make her stand out? Especially when, at best, she’s only sharing her experience from trying other people’s recipes.

I’m drawing a blank, how about you?

Finally, she’s going to have to constantly track and measure performance and results. Analyze, optimize and grow. That requires some analytical skills. You know, math???

She’s so entertaining but not for the ways that she’d like to be.

You might ask why I’d help her out with these tips. Probably for the same reason I’ve been wasting my time at this company: I was optimistic that maybe she’d evolve to be something decent and respectable. Especially if she’s someone I may have to interact with in the future.

Alas, it seems yet again, I’m asking someone to be something she is not capable of being.

In other news, I’m planning a weekend getaway with my co-worker, same one above, for October. I’m thinking Howie Cavern, horseback riding, the Headless Horseman haunted houses and a hike. But first I need to see if I can get Ruthie admitted to a daycare center. Baby steps!

Love you, miss you. Stop by if you’re ever feeling lonely in that co-op. I can order takeout. No, I’m not cooking. You’re funny. 😘

May 4, 2021

Let’s get the Karen conversation out of the way.

I mentioned in my first post that my confidence was boosted from the mistakes she made on social media. Since then, she’s only continued to muddle around. She forgot that I still track IP addresses so I know she viewed this website in mid-April and spent a considerable amount of time here. I know it was her because she then reacted by immediately switching her Instagram account from public to private for the first time in years. These facts alone prove beyond a doubt that despite years of silence, I am still relevant in your life. 

She eventually made the account public again and all of her subsequent online behavior has just been funny. You could see that she wracked her brain trying to discover how I know what I know, removed content that she thought might have exposed her dishonesty, and has increased her posting frequency with content that lacks any clear strategy, either for her own personal brand growth or to perpetuate her deception. It’s apparent after five years of observations that her bag of tricks is limited and as such, Karen is impotent. She has no bearing on us anymore.

What I have learned from having two psychiatrists in my immediate family is that everything you do and say can and will be analyzed. Karen has years of content on display that gives away so much about her and it’s sad. The woman is neither intelligent nor emotionally put together.

First and foremost, she’s revealed how insecure she is by perpetuating the “alternate truth” for several years now that she’s still married. For all her expressed disgust towards Donald Trump, she’s using the same page from his playbook: say a lie loud enough and long enough so people will believe it. “The election was rigged!” “I’m married, I swear!” People with at least half a brain aren’t buying it and she just continues to look pathetic and simpleminded the more she does it.

Further evidence that she’s prone to dishonesty is that she markets herself as a yoga instructor who has been practicing for ten years. This implies that she’s skilled or has some sort of expertise in it. Unfortunately, that so-called experience is undermined when the most advanced yoga course she’s been able to teach so far is a guided sleep session.

Understandably, a lot of people are going to view divorce as a failure. After all, her parents are divorced, her mother is twice divorced and it’s highly likely there’s been a lot of drama. There are court records online to support that, from her mother attempting to barter her engagement ring from her then second fiancé to pay off debts for her business that went bankrupt to then suing her now second ex-husband for a quarter of a million dollars. It’s no secret that kids with divorced parents are more likely to end up divorced themselves and now she and at least one of her sisters have both proven that to be true. She’s insecure.

It’s also possible that she refuses to admit that she’s divorced to hurt you because she’s generally an angry and unhappy woman. She probably resents you for making her the “failure” above that she dreads. The self-deprecating humor that she uses often enough suggests that she doesn’t like herself very much and people tend to treat others the way they treat themselves. Hurting you is second nature for her.

For whatever reasons, she suffers from anxiety and that could be hereditary. Anxiety almost never presents itself alone and almost always presents itself with depression. She then self-medicates with any and all of the following methods:

  • excessive exercising
  • excessive alcohol consumption
  • aromatherapy
  • cold showers (it’s a holistic treatment method for depression)
  • CBD and possibly marijuana which she may soon be legally able to get her hands on. She shared her engagement with online courses for the inclusion of marijuana in her practice as a yoga instructor. God help you and your family when she starts bringing that stuff into your home.

She’s also shown herself to be prone to manic-depressive behavior. That’s evident in the marathon postings she’s been known to do for consecutive weeks followed by prolonged periods of inactivity. Actually, that’s probably what’s going on now. My reactivation of this blog has triggered a manic episode that’s manifesting itself as a burst of social media content.

I kind of feel bad for her. It takes a lot of strength to admit your faults, face your fears and inner demons and work your way out of it. It’s easier for her to fight with the people around her than to face herself. She should consider seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist but if she were the type of person able to do that then I doubt you would have gotten divorced in the first place.

Actually, I have no idea what your marriage was like. It’s also clear from her content that she doesn’t really enjoy being feminine. Indeed, she takes pride in her “manrepeller” wardrobe. I don’t know if it’s related to her lack of self-confidence and insecurities or other reasons that I’m uncomfortable giving voice to yet for lack of evidence. However, once the latter supposition came to mind, it was game over.

I don’t think she ever loved you or was even capable of loving you the way you needed to be. And I don’t think it’s personal to you, either. I think she’s got a whole mess of internal things that she’s scared to face. For all of the reasons detailed in this post, marriage was never going to work for her, be it with you or anyone else. Her own behavior plus her mother’s history predict that.

A major battle has been won, B-. Now let’s get through the war together.