On the chance that you’re trying to send me a message/ask a question/get info, I’ll address it here. And if it’s true, then, Dude, what did you do? Bookmark links to my old posts from 2012?!
For the record, the previous life of my blog was completely deleted. Like, hard deleted from the server and I barely kept anything saved on my computer. I don’t think the exact post that you looked for recently exists anywhere anymore.
But that’s okay. Because that was written for a different person and this one is written for you.
My family knows very little about you. Whatever details they know, it would have been from whatever I wrote on this blog prior to 2018. At most, they know your nickname, that you worked at “the firm”, maybe that you’re Persian-American, maybe that you’re divorced. They have no reason to know that you left “the firm” because 1) I don’t talk about you and 2) they don’t know your last name.
And when I say “they” I mean Dad. Mom might know all of the above except your ethnicity and marital status. I don’t think either of them know that you have kids.
During the 2.5 weeks in November 2017, I barely saw or spoke to my parents. Both because I didn’t want to and because of the long distance. Also, Dad thinks I lied about the stuff I wrote which is a big reason for my feelings explained down below.
When I came home, no one asked about the time nor did I volunteer information. This is to drive home the point that they know pretty much nothing about you. But I’ll suspect, as I imagine you might, that they will probably perceive you unfavorably because of November 2017. Alternatively, they probably view me unfavorably because they think I lied and harassed you. And when I say “they,” I mean Dad.
For the record, I don’t speak to anyone about what happened during that time. Not even to myself. Not even a private journal entry in a notebook or my computer. Mainly because when I try to even go through it in my head, it’s like it’s jumbled. I take pride in being able to explain things clearly, logically and in chronological order. I struggle doing all of that for November 2017. Also, I resent you deeply for the experience. If and when (because I know it is a when, B) you try to get me to talk about it, we are going to have a fight. Consider yourself warned.
Given that history, you seem to be interested in still making a good impression on my folks. I get that and it’s understandable. You’d be weird if you weren’t. But I’m pretty sure I made this clear to you a long time ago and it still stands: I don’t care about my family’s opinion about you. It will have no bearing on my decisions regarding us.
I’ve also made the following very clear to you: you are going to have to explain everything that happened in detail with documentation. I understand that it’s “the firm” and documentation may be very difficult or impossible to obtain. Please try your best. Because for the last several years and for the next few years that you’re not here, I just look like a crazy person who made everything up. And I hate that I have to wait for you, a man, to show up and validate what I’ve said before people will believe me.
You’re going to have to explain everything that happened to me and acknowledge and own any mistakes that you made. You will then have to repeat all of this to my folks. Full transparency is going to be the key to get any of us to move forward with you. But I think if you can do the above well, it will positively impact how fast we’re all able to move forward with you.
You’ve got a lot going for you. You’re brilliant, your dad was in academia and you’ve excelled in your career with just a bachelor’s degree. Dad is going to find that impressive. But Dad, who’s a proponent of advanced degrees, is going to question why you didn’t get the MBA. I don’t care.
Mom’s not hard to please: you’re a man, you’re available and you’re tall. You’ll be her best option for getting more grandkids.
I don’t think your ethnicity is going to be an issue. Of all the ethnic groups I’ve heard my parents make derogatory remarks towards, Persians are not on that list.
However, you’re a Red Sox fan. That is going to be a problem. But Dad likes the Patriots (After the Giants, mind you. And maybe the Jets. Maybe the Bills, too?). Focus on that.
Your biggest hurdles are going to be that you’re divorced and have kids. Dad’s not going to like either. I don’t think the divorced part should be too much of a problem considering that I, too, am divorced. But the kids, I don’t know how to get around that.
All I know is, when we’ve been at social gatherings where people have shown up with their partners (unmarried) who are divorced with kids, Dad’s always made comments about it. But not in detail. It’s just a general disapproval, and words similar to “complicated” and “unstable” were used. I’m sure he’ll share the details of his criticisms after he finds out about you…which won’t be until after he meets you.
Again, I don’t care about his opinions. This is a man who would rather believe his daughter is a liar than give her the benefit of the doubt. When all this is finally over and you and I can be together, I want to leave my family and not have any contact with them for at least a year. I don’t value their presence in my life.