I need wine tonight. I’m not in a great mood. I’m a little annoyed at you and I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt but the remnants of my bad day aren’t helping.
Remember, “the kid”? He’s friends with the owners’ older son whose been living with them? Anyway, he and I had an argument today. He thinks I’m constantly throwing him under the bus and I’m frustrated because I’m constantly asking him to do his job properly and he ignores me. I told my boss what happened today and she sees it for what it is:
He doesn’t report to me but he produces reports that I am ultimately responsible for and have to answer questions to. He doesn’t think he needs to accept my feedback and he thinks he knows better. We could escalate the situation to his new bosses who are still in the onboarding phase but what if they can’t do anything about it? Also, “the kid” is leaving in seven weeks to wrap up his last semester of college this Spring. He wants to come back here and he’s worried that I’m hurting his impression with the leadership team. To which my silent response is, “Why on earth would you want to come back here?!??! RUN WITH YOUR LIFE!”
Anyway, I was in a bad mood for the rest of the afternoon and felt drained by it. Good news is that we seemed to resolve the issue after work via email but, you know, I think I’d rather have one of his managers present the next time I have to interact with him. No more 1:1 walk-and-talks with him.
Something put me in a good mood, what was it? Oh yeah, I heard back from my follow up last week and now I have yet another interview next week! This time with their Director of Planning & Work Force Management. Even if I don’t get the job offer, I think it’s a great sign that I’ve moved this far along in the hiring cycle. Psyched!
So…I’m annoyed but I’m not sure I can be in a position to judge. While it’s clear that your marital relationship with Karen died a long time ago, your financial relationship has not. She hasn’t worked in at least a decade so she’s mooching off your substantial income. So I’m guessing all those charitable donations are not only for tax benefits but also to limit your disposable income, and by extension, Karen’s.
But why to Kinsella’s org? That felt personal. Again, I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt but the way it could be interpreted is confusing. I mean, unless he got a brain transplant there’s no way he’s #teamKaren. What were his words?
“Who majors in Journalism?” Or was it, “What kind of a degree is Journalism?” What was his short-lived beard strike about?
Should I expect after you and I are officially together to continue seeing both of your names as donors all over the internet? Can you see how that feels insulting?
Yeah, my bad day isn’t helping. I might need more chocolate.
I think I take it for granted how easy my divorce was. No money exchanged hands, all I asked for was my freedom. At most, he took a bunch of furniture from me. I kept Bono and he was the most valuable thing to me, thank God. But I would have given him up if a custody battle prolonged the divorce.
My story is unreal. My friend,whose 40th birthday I attended in August, told me how her ex forced her to buy out from him the home THAT SHE GREW UP IN!
So I can only imagine how much of your soul you had to sell to ensure a timely end to your marriage. And I’m aware of why you did it. Neither of us did easy things.
One of the categories I like Pinterest for is its quotes. I saw this recently and it hurt:
A person who trusts no one now, once trusted someone too much.
I don’t open up to co-workers anymore. I don’t trust them. Even my co-worker who I’m close to doesn’t officially know that I was once married or that I’m now divorced. And it’s because I trusted you too much.
So now I’m in a position to continue trusting you, giving you the benefit of the doubt and having faith. It’s not easy.
But then there’s this quote:
It’s true. We don’t have it as easy as ordinary couples. But this is no ordinary love.
I’m going to grab some more wine and chocolate and, you know, keep the faith.
This will not be an eggplant night. Sorry.
Still love you, though. Because I still don’t have a choice in the matter.